Its finally here
It's no longer months but just days that hold us together.
The day everyone else seems to be looking forward to is the day
I have dreaded the most.
Graduation..
In approximately 6 days 150 hours 9015 minutes and 540918 seconds
I lose my best friends.
And the thing I hate the most is that its completely and entirely out of my control..
as I sit through another year of high school, I'll be doing it alone.
Watching as my friends enter the real world and leave me behind
without a second glance.
Tonight I've finally come to terms with the fact that it's going to happen.
That no matter how hard I try and pretend it wont,
that I'm going to end up sitting in a room filled with thousands
and watch as they each receive their diplomas.
A room filled with laughter and excitement..
but all I'll hear is my own muffled sobs.
I've replayed the memories in my mind
reread the hundreds of texts
and looked through countless videos and pictures
hoping that it'll make me feel better..
but it never does.
Goodbyes are never easy..
and pretending they aren't going to happen
is even worse.
High School is filled with goodbyes.
They say that it's part of growing up..
And I guess they're right.
And maybe that's why I'm so scared of growing up.
I'm scared of the unknown, I'm scared to be forgotten.
I don't want to be just another memory..
Just another girl you used to know.
I don't want you to remove me from your life.
Maybe that's what I'm most afraid of..
not so much of growing up
but of being forgotten.
Scared that once you remove your cap and gown
that you'll also be removing me.
Scared that I'll turn into just a faint memory
of what used to be.
The words
"Haven't seen you since High School"
haunt me in my sleep
Echoing throughout my mind like
a bad dream.
I'm scared that 10 years from now we'll bump
into each other walking through the grocery store
and you pretend you don't remember me and
everything we've been through.
I hope we don't have to wait 10 years before
I ever see you again.
I know I can't force myself into your life,
and I pray I don't have to.
I pray you'll stay apart of mine because
all I want is to be apart of yours.
I hope you remember that I was the girl that was always there for you..
The one that knew the words to every song and we would sing them together.
Remember me as the girl you would call
when things went wrong
The girl who would sit in your
parked car and just talk..
or laugh
...or cry.
Remember me as the girl who was afraid,
afraid to lose you.
Because 372 days from now
it'll be my turn.
And as I walk with diploma in hand
I'll be alone with only memories racing
through my mind.
And right before I pull off my cap and gown
you'll be the first I think of.
I pray you remember me.
I pray you never forget me.
And I pray that this isn't the end.
